Okay, this is it. Today is the day I finally do it. I’m going to start training for that marathon! My stupid ex told me I never would – ha! What does she know! I’m a different man now! I’m capable of so much more than she ever realised! All I have to do is finish writing this blog post, get up out of my chair, lace up my brand new shoes and head out into the sunshine.
Oh. It’s raining. When did it start raining?
Never mind! Rain, hail or shine – just like a postman! I’m gonna be out there, pounding the pavement in my brand new shoes, not caring at all about how wet my feet are getting! I’ll be back! She’ll see I’m not a loser! She’ll see!
***
Oh boy. Oh no. That run was such a bad idea. Vanessa, you were so right, I am a loser. I’m in so much pain. This could not have gone worse. I fell over six times. Six! How is that even possible?
And my toes have been killing me – maybe I shouldn’t have run through that water? Am I gonna have to look up the best treatment for fungal nails? I am, aren’t I? Oh, god.
It’s fine. I’m fine. This happens to lots of people when they start to run, I’m sure. It’s common. Takes a few tries to get right. Practice makes perfect. Perfect is the enemy of the good. Good night and good luck. Luck of the draw. Draw… draw?
Uh oh. I think I’m getting a fever.
Surely this can’t be that unusual? No. It’s got to be one of the more common foot conditions near Melbourne. And it’s not like it’s dangerous? Right?
Oh god. What if it is dangerous? What if Vanessa left me and then I immediately go and die on my first run. I should have stayed home, should never have put on these stupid shoes—oh.
Oh, that feels much better. I think my shoes were just too small.
Take that, Vanessa.