I’m really excited about today’s big project. It’s the 27th day of summer vacation, and we’re finally getting to the good stuff. Today, Fern and I will be building the biggest and best wooden fort ever created. I’ve heard that Australia is known for its awesome wooden fortresses, but we are going to put them to shame today. I’m talking five storeys, a throne room, a library, a hot tub and battlements armed with actual bolt-firing contraptions. It’ll be a fortress of prosperity and practicality that is practically pointless to penetrate.
Am I expecting an opposing army to come and try to take my fortress? Well, no, but it’s going to be so awesome that I wouldn’t really be surprised. That’s why I’m only going to be using the absolute best Cheltenham timber, obviously purchased from my favourite hardware store in the area. I’m such a regular there that at this point all the staff members know me by name. Fern and I are there on a daily basis, purchasing anything from nuts and bolts to power tools and electrical supplies. If you can’t help but wonder how we are paying for all this stuff, given that Fern and I are just ten-year-old kids, I once again implore you to not think about it. Instead let me distract you by asking the age-old question: where’s Peregrine?
Now that you are adequately distracted, I’m going to head over to that hardware store in the Bayside area to get the timber supplies I need. I think the fort will be done by lunchtime, so if you’re in the area, why don’t you come and check it out? No promises that we’ll let you in, though. We can only let really cool people inside Fort Fern. It’s a security thing – nothing personal. What defines a really cool person, you ask? Well, if you show up with some hot chips for us to enjoy, we’d probably give you a passing grade on the coolness test. Then again, maybe not. You’ll just have to try and see.